Explore any thread far enough and you cut to the core issue.

This is why metrics exist in the first place: What we're all trying to ascertain, at the end of the day, is the effects of our features on our users. Sometimes metrics are just the closest proxy we have.

When you sit around long enough thinking about life in terms of time_on_page, and session_duration, you miss the big picture.

Those metrics are supposed to mean something. Like, a spike in time_on_page might just mean that your users aren't finding the back button quickly enough, and suddenly your "winning WWW variant" doesn't feel so winning after all, and neither do you.

Well, here at Statsig, we just applied this concept to our own users.

What do our users really want?

Last week, in a grueling thirty-six-hour-long brainstorming session, we unraveled our own user metrics in order to uncover what our users really, truly want—above all else. The one core tenet among all users, all roles, and all disciplines.

And in a 2 am epiphany, physically and mentally exhausted, kept awake solely by our conference room's incandescent glow, the whiteboards tattooed from head to toe in flow charts and metrics and personas and hypotheses, we finally figured it out:

Our users want promotions.

Introducing Promo Mode

Upon realizing that our users want promotions above all else, we suspended all other feature development until we could ship a product that gave our users exactly what they wanted.

The "Career Catalyst" algorithm

Our data scientists worked long hours bringing our proprietary algorithm to our end users. The Career Catalyst engine is designed to take real results and incorporate the latest AI technology to enhance them into metrics that look great.

The strange thing is that our data scientists already had this code written—but we're not going to question them, because their metrics are always green and nice-looking.

Redefining performance reviews

Some of the needs of our personas (that we imagined) include a requirement for help around performance reviews and promotion-related conversations with management.

The old way was a tiring and drawn-out process, but with Statsig Promo Mode, getting a promotion is simple and streamlined:

1. Activate Promo Mode

2. Get promoted near-instantly*

Promo Mode provides our end-users with the ability to represent themselves the way they deserve to be represented. If you're the one with the data, you deserve a promotion.

* Promotions not guaranteed

How to use Promo Mode

As of today, April 1st, Promo Mode has been rolled out to all Statsig accounts and can be found at the top of your metrics scorecard.

Promo Mode is waiting for you. Log into your Statsig account, or create a free one, and experience its career-changing benefits for yourself.

Get promoted instantly. ✌️

Log into Statsig (or make a free account), use Promo Mode, and boost your career up to peak velocity.

Promote me!

And, of course, enjoy your April Fool's day.